Parashat Va'etchanan- Seeing into our Hearts.

Another beautiful day in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Sun is shinning and millions of cafes are filled with well dressed young professionals. I met for coffee with a new friend and learned more about the Jewish scene and cute "must go" places. After a lovely morning I went to do my shopping to prepare for my first Shabbat dinner with my new roommates. I was in PathMark feeling lost and confused. I passed the same packaged and frozen foods multiple times before leaving with a suffocated feeling. I wandered into Target and found a wine opener.
I had to sit and regroup.
I was looking for the warm challah and the fresh chicken. The piles of fresh vegetables and strong spices. I wanted to be yelled at and pushed. I wanted to bump into friends in a rush. I wanted that feeling of being overwhelmed by the preparing for Shabbat atmosphere.
I wanted to rush to catch a bus as my bags broke my back because I was cooking for 14 people. But instead I sat next to Target and took a breath. My heart and my eyes were seeing two different things. Just like I wrote yesterday.
I thought of this weeks parsha. Moses is being told that after learning and loving the land of Israel and working so hard for the people that would fill it.. he could not enter. He could not be there with everything he knew. He had to prepare Yehoshua to take his place and lead the people into the Land.

He had to sit, breath and just look out towards "that great hill" (Jerusalem).

The people get warned before going into the land of Israel. They have had their time to slack off in the desert and test G-d's patience. They get one of their final lectures this week. Like teens going of without their parents for the first time.
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4:9

9. But beware and watch yourself very well, lest you forget the things that your eyes saw, and lest these things depart from your heart, all the days of your life, and you shall make them known to your children and to your children's children, ------

ט. רַק הִשָּׁמֶר לְךָ וּשְׁמֹר נַפְשְׁךָ מְאֹד פֶּן תִּשְׁכַּח אֶת הַדְּבָרִים אֲשֶׁר רָאוּ עֵינֶיךָ וּפֶן יָסוּרוּ מִלְּבָבְךָ כֹּל יְמֵי חַיֶּיךָ וְהוֹדַעְתָּם לְבָנֶיךָ וְלִבְנֵי בָנֶיךָ

They are told not to forget what their eyes have seen. What strikes me about this is they are told not only to not forget what they have seen, but most importantly not to let these things leave, depart, turn from, their hearts. 

It is amazing how our eyes are the windows into our hearts.

We can just "see" something and pass it. We constantly see. But what do you see that really sticks in your heart? What pulls at your heart strings when you don't see it? As Moshe sits and looks and sees the land of Israel I can't imagine how his heart feels. There is such emphasis on him seeing it. Because just seeing is in a way being and owning in ones heart. 
As I sat by Target I saw buses and people and buildings but none of it was in my heart. I have not fallen in love with it yet. I can close my eyes and see the Shabbat prep of my old life in Jerusalem and I will never let that leave my heart. I will do as the pasuk says and pass that beauty on for generations. I realized though that my first weeks in Jerusalem were not a "fairy tale love affair". I saw crowds and heat and I was confused and lost. I remember now that it took me opening my heart to my new life to love it. I had to see the good around me. 
I think this is what G-d wants the Israelites to do. G-d doesn't want them to just remember the good times. He wants the struggle and pain they saw along the journey to stick with them. He also wants the love and times with family and times of pride and belief to stick with them. The good and the bad things they have seen that have really touched and changed them. 

With a sigh I picked myself up and went to Trader Joes. A place I knew would have Kosher products and be familiar. I began to remember some good days living with a wonderful host family right next to the store. Shopping there and making lunches. Bringing a kosher chicken to my Grandmothers. I began to let my eyes open into my heart. 
I left with a bag full and ready for Shabbat. Blessed that I can afford to buy nice things and set a beautiful table with great people. Blessed that no matter where I am I can remember where I have been but still open myself to new loves. 

Rashi adds to the pasuk above (4:9) that if you distort what you have seen in your memory because you are forgetful then you will be considered a fool. I agree with Rashi. I was being a fool. Not remembering that all starts are tough because I distorted my memory to think only of the good. We have to remember things as we actually saw them. We can't become fools who forget those important moments that brought us to the present reality. We have to remember, long for, learn from, move on from and open to seeing new. 

This Shabbat I think we should all think about what it is we see that we hold in our hearts. What will we never forget? What is important enough to us to never let go of and always pass on to others? 

May we all have a Shabbat filled with good people and only goodness to fill our eyes and hearts.